NOT.
Motherhood is hard. I knew it would be work, but I didn't realize how hard it would really be. Weston woke up 4 times last night for no apparent reason and has been moving his morning wake up time to a reasonable time of 6:45 (whatever happened to 8:00?!) and skipped his morning nap today. I haven't worked out in about a month. Some days, I don't even get out of my pajamas until lunch time. Earlier today, I actually snuck in a 30 minute nap which I think only made me want to sleep longer. My entire house is a wreck and my excuse is that I have to throw everything in boxes tomorrow anyway. I had to go to the office (35 minutes away) today to get some work done and Weston has decided he doesn't want to take a bottle anymore so Peter had to drive him all the way up there so I could nurse him. Then, he spit up all over his clothes and my arm. I put him down on the floor to change him and got distracted because we printed off 750 new address labels for the new office and found out that we transposed the numbers to our new PO Box. Right when I was about to cry, Weston decided to take that opportunity to pee all over my right pant leg (did I say that I still had another hour's worth of work to do and our house is 35 minutes away!). I realized in that moment how crazy beautiful life is. Yes, I was stressed and my day has been anything but productive, but laying on the ground is this precious, helpless perfect naked smiling baby. I couldn't help but start cracking up. It was almost like he peed on me to remind me that he was lying there needing me. He was up four times last night, too. He had to wait to eat, too. He missed his morning nap, too. He was naked lying on our office floor for goodness sake! But there he was with his cute gummy grin content as can be. It is moments like that when I feel so humbled to be his mother. I'm a mess and I'm supposed to take care of this perfect little baby. I don't know what made me worthy of such a task, but I am grateful for the opportunity. I love his more than words can say. I need him in my life and I can't believe I lived the past 27 years without him.
It's 8:00 right now and I have no idea what is for dinner so I'm about to go order a pizza and call it a night.
1 comment:
Oh Eli....this was how it was for me too! I always felt so jealous of mommies who had it easy. SomedaYs I didn't even brush my teeth, hair, or put on deodorant! It is hard stuff! Yet somehow always a blessing like you said. For some reason I am always humbled and grateful for the challenge. I guess Heavenly Father just knows what we each need and what we can handle. Even if we as mothers don't think we can handle it..
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