This is my Nena. Weston couldn't say Nathan when he was little so he called him Nena and it has stuck. He's in that difficult stage where he's so mobile but still has a few weeks left before nursery. He's especially had a hard time at church (see picture above where we left early so he could take a nap) where he is forced to sit quietly and not move. He's animated, talkative, and determined which doesn't bode well for a three hour block of church. I struggle too. I'm in and out and up and down. I'm struggling to try to stay in class so I can take part in some of the lesson without being too disruptive to the rest of the members. I get frustrated and annoyed and my patience wears thin. And it's hard. Every week I hear "this time right before nursery is so hard" and "almost there" and "you have your hands full". Most of the time I'm saying those things! And all of those things are true and come from loving people who understand what I'm going through. 

Today I missed about half of Relief Society because we were in the hall but we made it back in for the last ten minutes. After class, this sweet sister was coming down our row (I was picking up cracker crumbs and the rest of the playroom that fits into my diaper bag) and stopped. To say "he looks like..." And I was waiting to hear something like "he looks like he needs a nap" or "he looks like he's ready to go home" or "he looks like he's ready to go to nursery". But she didn't say any of those things. She said "he looks like a future missionary!" 

Cue immediate crying.

All I could get out from behind my tears was "I'm so glad you said that". What I meant was "I'm so glad you noticed him (not me-him)." And "thank you for reminding me what I am doing here". And "thank you for making me feel like I'm doing something right". 

I realized how selfish I have been when I am more worried about my experience at church instead of my kids experience. I love church and I want my kids to love it too. I want them to remember me being happy there, not angry. 

I think that Heavenly Father  looks at us when we coming up short with love instead of frustration. He understands how hard our lot is and loves us through it. I hope to one day be that way. Some days I feel like I am just keeping my head above water. Then, right when I need it the most, The Lord sends me one of his tender mercies and reminds me of my divine role as a mother and how important that is. 

Thank you Sister Swenson. You have truly blessed my life today.